Are you newly married? Are you nervous about coping up with the new family? No worries. It is not a big deal. The secret to coping with the new family lies in how you perceive things. Of course you are a new little shiny stuff in a strong, rigid family that is locked by love.
So you always feel that you are going to have a hard time soon after marriage. But it is not so. I tell you 5 tips to help you deal with this easily.
Prepare mentally and emotionally. Talk to their family and be friends.Marriage is a big thing in your life and you will already have lots of surprises as its byproducts. So it will be wise if you could prepare yourself at least for the ones you could possibly do the same.
I assume that you always will have one or more chances to speak to your fiancee and his/her family members before marriage. Use that time to know about their family circumstances, culture, practices, so on and so forth. If you ease out the curiosity about the hows and whys before marriage, it will be a lot easier to cope up with that later.
My point is: You can cope with most of the stuff if you anticipate it.
Don’t demand initially:
There are two things: (1) You go into a new family with new sets of practices, culture and people, and (2) the family has a new ‘you’ too! So when you think of demanding something on your favor, think about the new family too. Can you demand something that will cause discomfort, disrupt the peace and make any slight disturbance to the new family to which you will be bonded for the rest of your life?
Initially, it is not bad to make a few compromises to start with. I say ‘initially’ because this will be the most crucial point for the turning point. It doesn’t really mean that you can ‘demand’ at a later time.
Things have to be smooth and peaceful at those few days or months. Then after, you and the family are more used to stuff.So it won’t be disturbing or troublesome if you slightly make some demands based on your needs on the new environment. The family will be pleased to make you feel warm and so do you to make the family members happy.
The more time you spend with your family peacefully in the initial days, the more intimate your will get with them. Later on things won’t be a problem. You can be free and forward.
Don’t be jealous:
If your partner tends to agree with his/her parents and disagree with you on something, don’t be jealous. Remember your partner had been part of their family for a substantial amount of time, until you got married.
Just think about how intimate you are with your partner and how much care and affection you get from him/her. At the same time, just think about how intimate your partner would have been with his/her family before you got married.So now your partner is just either turning all of that onto you, or apparently sharing it with his/her family and you.
So it is really a hard time for your partner to take sides when it is forced upon them. Make it a point that you understand this point clearly. So don’t create embarrassing situations for your partner and his/her family to make decisions.
Also remember that you have just become part of their family. So do not be jealous about your partner’s reactions that are inclined to his/her members of the family. In fact you have to feel proud about it.
Don’t try to take control:
There is no need for this. Do not have a tendency to take situations under your control when they are not favorable to you. Many a times, in the newly married period you will have situations that you won’t like or you will feel uncomfortable about. While this happens, you should develop a broad minded strategy to handle the situation without trying to take everything under your control.
Observe but don’t react:
I know what you are murmuring. But yes just hold on to me while I explain. Be prepared to spend quite a while on observing things. As I said earlier, most of the situations will cause discomfort since you are in a new environment. So don’t react to any kind of situations but simply observe everything.
While you observe do learn about the trends, and find out what works pleasantly and what hurts others. This will be useful for you for the days to come.
Final note: Do not take your spouse’s family for granted. They have brought up your spouse so far and they have all the affection, care and anything else more than you on your spouse. But it is also equally important that you and your spouse lead a happy and peaceful life along with both the families. Follow a no hurting policy always. Be flexible and make compromises. You will enjoy the joy of it later. Believe me.