So you just broke up with your partner. It feels terrible but you still long to have contact with that person maybe because you were good friends. Unfortunately you do not know whether to proceed or not.
Well, a breakup can be a devastating event for both the parties involved. Feelings run around like crazy and often leave us confused and emotionally wrecked. The same happens to your ex.
Sometimes, you wish to get back together and at other times it feels like the last person you want to meet is your ex-partner. One recurring advice you might come across during these tough times is the no contact rule. This simple piece of advice works.
What is this rule of no contact?
After a distressing breakup, the last thing any of us wants to do is to come face to face with our ex-partners. However, you can come across your ex, maybe because you have common friends, maybe you work together or maybe you live in the same area.
These encounters can range from pleasant to downright insufferable. The no contact rule is very simple. It requires you to not have any contact whatsoever with your ex ever again. This can be harsh but it can be an effective way to deal with an especially nasty breakup.
Why you should follow this rule?
It is easy to understand why most people would steer clear of this rule. It is not easy staying away from someone you were very close to. Then again, that is the exact reason why you should follow the no contact rule after breakup.
A chance to move on
If you still keep meeting your ex from time to time, you will decidedly have a tougher time in moving on. There is always a chance that you will feel guilty when meeting someone new as if you were cheating on your old flame. Moreover, you might still miss the earlier bond and rapport that you two had shared.
This will keep cropping up as an obstacle whenever you wish to get on with your life. You might get to meet someone new and nice but blow it all off just because you still carry the emotional baggage from your previous relationship.
A breakup leaves a life in disarray and commotion. A particularly nasty breakup can leave emotional scars and trauma. In emotionally vulnerable state, it is all too easy to try and go back into the relationship again.
It is a situation best avoided as it will only deepen the issues at hand. A break is very much needed especially from the ex. You will get that much needed me-time.
Memories can be a two-edged sword and can lead you back to square one if not handled with care. The more you spend time with you ex, the more you are liable to reminiscence about the past moments.
The playful banter or the intimacy which you had shared is now gone but the memories remain. Bringing those moments up can cause undue problems and arguments.
This may even anger your ex especially if she or he has moved on. This can only lead to even more strain on your already fragile emotional state of being.
It is possible that you may still harbor feelings for your ex. If you spend time with your ex, you might be forced to see him or her flirt with someone else.
Maybe you come across romantic picture of your ex on Facebook or other social media, what happens? You feel hurt and depressed at the fat that they have found someone else already while you are still pining for them.
This is an unhappy state of affairs where you feel as if no one comprehends your pain. But this state could have easily been avoided if you had followed the no contact rule.
The On-Off relationship
Everybody dreads this type of relationship and with good reason. There is rarely any future to this thing. If you keep meeting your partner from time to time, you are bound to be more forgiving when they come back with an apology.
Then you get back together only to relive the reasons why you two broke up in the first place. This goes on as a vicious circle. Any breakup leaves a wide hole in a person’s being.
This causes them to try and fill it up by going back to the same person again and again because they did not stay apart from each other long enough to meet somebody else. Staying with your ex will be a constant reminder about that hole in your being which only makes it worse and you will keep trying to find opportunities to get back together again.
A breakup is a nasty piece of business both for the boy and the girl. A no contact rule for men is as effective as a no contact rule for women. Both require absolute separation from their exes for as long as it takes. A 30 day no contact rule is the bare minimum you should give yourself.
Do not let yourself get swayed by the conflicting emotions within you to try and contact you ex. This will only cause unnecessary pain. With a little restraint you can regain your lost happiness as a single person. Do let us know if the no contact rule works for you.