Conflicts in a relationship are unavoidable but they are potential stuff that could eventually destroy a relationship. So it is a must that the couple are aware of the conflicts as they arise and take all possible measures to resolve them.
It is also a must that they follow proper methods to resolve a conflict. While it is true that an unresolved conflict makes the relationship dilute, it is also true that an issue that is not dealt with in a proper way will also cause serious problems to the relationship.
Perspective
Every conflict has either a brief or a detailed background. Most of the times the background is related to one’s perspective on a problem.
‘Something’ becomes an issue in one person’s perspective, while the same ‘something’ is nothing for another person. So if a conflict arises it is the couple’s responsibility to first check if it is just different perspectives of the same issue.
If this is the case, then mere explanation of one’s thought on a problem is enough. Each other must take necessary measures to understand others perspective of the issue. If this has been done then everything becomes so trivial.
Raising the conflict
It is easy to sense that there is a conflict. But to raise it is another story. When a couple identifies a conflict, it must be raised (call for discussion and solution) at the right time and at the right situation.
It is not advisable to discuss about a conflict while getting ready to office, or while returning from the pub after 20 drinks. The success rate that a conflict is settled or resolved highly depends on the time or the situation it is raised.
Focus on the issue only
A conflict should be a conflict and not be an avalanche of conflicts. While trying to resolve a conflict the couple should try to stay on the topic and never drift away.
Digging the past issues, extrapolating the after effects of a conflict or jumping into assumptions and conclusions by keeping some other issue in mind will never resolve a conflict. Rather it will make issues worse.
Put yourself in his/her shoes
As I pointed out earlier, opinion differs so do perspectives. When discussing over a conflict it is crucial to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
How would he/she feel if the conflict is resolved in one way, or what would be the feelings of him/her if it is resolved in the other way. What are the impacts? If it is going to be beneficial to one person, will it affect the other person? If so, how badly? All these should be taken care of.
One has to literally put themselves in the other person’s position to evaluate all the outcomes and after effects of a conflict and its solution.
Compromise, if needed
Yes, there is nothing wrong in compromising, and if it could solve a conflict, there is nothing wrong at all. Some people will argue that there should be no compromises in a relationship. But I do have a different view.
Sometimes a compromise (that is not a great deal) will instantly resolve a conflict. You may want to read this article on compromising in a relationship.
Let it cool
Sometimes you can resolve a conflict by just shutting up! Yes, do not raise the conflict if you want to resolve it. I mean, do not raise it immediately as it arises.
Rather, just let it cool. I have tried this method and it has worked great for me! When you raise the issue at a later time, you will find that the heat has settled down and you will find that there is actually nothing to resolve. Both of you will find that you can come up with many solutions for a single problem.
However if you raise the issue immediately for discussion, due to the pressure and heated up conversations you will come to a conclusion that there is ultimately no fix for the issue.
Why is there such a difference? It is because when you let it cool, you get relaxed, your mind gets out of the pressure and when it is calm you can come up with many solutions for a problem.
You will also understand the issue completely and its impact on you, your partner and your relationship. This will help you to look into the problem in different points of view.
If it is about sex, give it more time
Enough said. If there is a conflict that is about sex, you cannot resolve it overnight. Even if it appears to be resolved, it actually is not.You have to give it more time and take measures consistently to resolve it.
Image Credit:http://www.drsusanmillerpsychologist.com
About Jane | Merry Relationships
When you hear two different people giving an account of the same traffic accident, you realize just how differently we each perceive the world. So, yes, it’s very important to try to see things from the other’s perspective.
You should always listen to both sides. It is good to listen the opinion of different sides when you have conflicts so that you will understand who have mistakes. Thanks for sharing these topic regarding relationship
Some good fundemental steps to take here, Jane.
It is true that both sides have a completely different view on the challenge being faced. I’ve usually found it helpful for each to have ‘their turn’ in voicing their side and using language like ‘I feel’ and ‘I am…’ and avoid language involving the other person. That way the other side can better understand what their partner is feeling.
Great post. It’s very important to see and understand the perspective of both sides. If both parties are not willing to understand then their relationship will not grow and flourish. Instead it will die causing more pain.